I don't understand why sometimes i like to dig out all the old memories and then get sad after that.

“So I drank one, it became four, and when I fell on the floor I drank more. Nothing has changed, I still love you, I still love you.”

I am not your
Five minute cigarette break

You can't put me out
After lighting me up

It's currently 3.30am in the morning & I've just got back home from supper with #bestfriendkow. 

Talked about many things along the way. Mostly relationships. And honestly, whatever we talked about today just made total sense. I mean, in a good way. 

-

I've realized that I'm constantly worrying that I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with him the next day. Like what is going on between us; I have no idea. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't call, so I could fall asleep while we're texting to make sure we could have a conversation the next day. But I wish he would call too because I miss him already. 

I'm afraid. 

Had breakfast with the boy yesterday & then started my 1/3 days of torture in F1. I mean it's fun and all... But it's heck yes tiring. Here's 2/3 of being in F1! 

Oh as we got scolded for play in Toys R Us. LIKE SERIOUSLY?!?! 

Treasure it while it lasts. It's not gonna last for long; by morning, it will be gone. All we'll ever become is strangers again. Don't keep your hopes up high. It leads to greater disappointments. 

I could fall asleep to this all day. It's so cute. This has got to be one of the many reasons why. ☺️

I want you
all of you

I want your hugs and kisses
your compassion
your smile
your kindness
your desire

I want your tired eyes
your crooked smile
your competitiveness
your procrastination
your shyness
and every imperfection
that i fail to see

I want your cold hands
your lips
your messy hair
your melodious laugh

I want you
all of you
forever and always

A year ago;

A year ago, you made heart shape candles for me. A year later, we're nothing anymore.

I wish I could take

All of your sadness

I wouldn’t care

If I had to suffer

As long as you

Could breathe freely,

Again

"如果对方已经不爱你, 你的哀求对他来说都是噪音, 你的泪水都是酸雨, 你只是在白费力气."

I wish i had a dog so i could tell it everything. Everything that's on my mind. So that i will never ever have to feel lonely. I'll buy my kids a dog in future, so they won't ever feel lonely too. It's funny how people can feel so alone even when they're around so many people.

-
Can't believe i stayed up just waiting for a call/text that would never be made/sent. Yes your stupidity has just moved up another level.

“Let them miss you. Sometimes when you’re always available, they take you for granted because they think you’ll always stay.”

“She says yes, she’s a whore. She says maybe, she’s a tease. She says no, she’s a prude bitch. In what scenario do women win? That’s just it; patriarchy is designed so that we don’t.”

Met him today. I don't know what to feel LOL. Had lunch at Bobby's with Nigel & Zavier. Yup, it's never dull at a table when you're sitting with them. Went to collet Zavier's bass then headed for edge. Yup pretty exciting yet boring day.

-
N: You grew fatter, but it looks better.
-
Me: DID I SERIOUSLY GROW FATTER!?
Matt: Yeah..

WOWOWOWOWOW THANKS GUYS. HOW GENTLEMANLY.

Dear best friend,
He called me today, nothing much, just to ask for directions. I don't know what to feel. Or how i should feel. I think i'm lost. I never expected this. I hate being bothered by it. I hate having to pretend everything's fine. I hate myself. Please save me.

-
I wanna go on road trips, tour the world, be free, meet new people, stay up all night and watch the sunrise and sunsets on the mountains, take long walks along beaches, try different kinds of food, shop all day, be myself.

But who am i? How can i be myself when i don't even know myself.

I'm starting to lose them one by one. I can feel it. I now realise i have no one i can really talk to. (I mean who wants to listen to me rant all day right) All i can do is to keep to myself. I'll do a good job.

Went penny boarding yesterday with Pri & Mayer @ Yew Tee // Skate Garage to loosen ma wheels // JEM for dinner! :)

Yes and i met Vincent for the first time yesterday AND I WAS AWKWARD. I mean... he's quite cute. He used to be my ec idk omg it was so awkward. He called me melly. And said he expected me to be taller. WELL THANKS DUDE HAHA.

And... i lost my earpiece yesterday. It was 1 day old. I feel so sad. I hope i dropped it at the Skate Garage. Vincent's helping me look for it.

Remember when you used to nag at me because skating was dangerous haha ha. I miss that. I miss having someone nagging at me. I miss you.

Heartfelt conversations.

Him: “K i owe you then.”

Me: “For what?”

Him: “To make you happy”

Me: “But i’m alr happy”

Him: “To make you extra happy then :D”

Those were the days, those were the good old days. 

She's so beautiful,
yet so sad.

Always saying no one
will ever love her,
and yet when somebody tells her,
that they love her, she runs and hides.

Silly girl,
they love you,
you just don't love yourself.

Yes, it's a happy-sad kinda day again. I've been like this for the past few months. No matter how long time passes, i'm never gonna get back on my feet. I don't know if that day meant anything to you, but it sure meant the whole world to me. And it's like my whole world is crashing on me now and yet i can't do anything to save myself. No one's here to save me either.

I always imagined what would happen when i die. Would people come visit me during my last few days of 'being alive' or will i just die in my sleep. Life is so unpredictable. One moment, everything's fine, and the next, everything just crumbles on you.

Right when i've decided to open up to someone, that person leaves. It's always been the case, so why do i feel so heartbroken this time? Have i been too trusting? Maybe i should build my walls higher this time.

Freedom

I pray for love
We are all bathing in it
We just have to open our hearts, 
to open our minds 
And let it in

The biggest freedom is ours 
To let it in or lock it out

I pray for hope 
We are swimming in it
We just have to open our hearts
to open our souls
And let it in

The biggest freedom is ours
To let it in or lock it out

I pray for wisdom, 
We are soaking in it
We just have to open
To open our minds
And let it in

The biggest freedom is ours
To let it in or lock it out

I pray for spirit 
We are swimming in it
Let our selves drown in the huge love
the huge wisdom and spirit
that is around us all time

It's a happy-sad kinda day

Love;

What’s wrong with you, with us, 
what’s happening to us? 
Ah our love is a harsh cord 
that binds us wounding us 
and if we want 
to leave our wound, 
to separate, 
it makes a new knot for us and condemns us 
to drain our blood and burn together.

What’s wrong with you? I look at you 
and I find nothing in you but two eyes 
like all eyes, a mouth 
lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed, more beautiful, 
a body just like those that have slipped 
beneath my body without leaving any memory.

And how empty you went through the world 
like a wheat-colored jar 
without air, without sound, without substance! 
I vainly sought in you 
depth for my arms 
that dig, without cease, beneath the earth: 
beneath your skin, beneath your eyes, 
nothing, 
beneath your double breast scarcely 
raised 
a current of crystalline order 
that does not know why it flows singing. 
Why, why, why, 
my love, why?

I'm forever yours, faithfully;

Today marks the end of my exams finally! // Here's to another boring holiday. Oops.

xx