06:50

My thoughts;

I'm never good/worthy enough for you to realize that I'm always here.
Or to even look back.
Never.

xx

x

I'll never be able to understand how someone can actually hurt the people around them, and the people that they claim to love just because of their own problems.

Seeing all the cute couples together makes me sad. & envious. Oh well..

Leaving for Penang tomorrow! Mad excited. But this time it'll be different. Because i know that there wouldn't be a person worrying about my flight, staying up all night talking to me, missing me, wanting to see me, wanting to talk to me more because i'm overseas, and always worrying about my safety. I miss that. I miss you. I miss us.

xx

Remember.

Remember when you said you would buy many things for me, but it didn't happen. Hahah, a part of me actually wanted it even though i said "don't want la, too expensive." or "don't waste your money on me." I guess you must be feeling lucky now that you really didn't spend that money on me.

Actually, i can't help but feel upset when you didn't get me a valentine's day gift, or a 6 monthsary gift like i did. I actually spent so much on the gifts that i couldn't even eat for weeks. Or i sacrificed all my shopping money for that gift. WAH SO NOBLE SIA. HAHAHAHA. But ohwell, guess i learnt my lesson.

I know when they say that you shouldn't expect something in return, but seriously.... I really thought you would give me something. But guess not, and that was a right move because you didn't waste any money on me in the end. Good for you. *claps* boohoo for me but i guess that's my fate.

To always be giving and not recieving much. Thank you Jesus for giving me such a generous heart. HAHA. Ohwell, no point thinking about these anymore. It wouldn't change anything now that it's over.

xx

Week.

Sunday - Morning service > Sim's > Home!

Tuesday - Ran 2.4 without stopping for the first time all thanks to Nigel's encouragement. I ain't wanna be a fatty bom bom! Heh.

Wednesday - Dance practice! :) & surprised Janis at her house with a pint of B&Js, cookies and a birthday card! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR! <3

Thursday was the day i got addicted to fun run hehe it's actually not as lame as you think it was. I used to think it was lame, until i tried playing it i swear endless joy playing with your friends! AND THE DAY I GOT MY F1 TICKETS TO SEE MY BBY JUSTIN <3

Friday - Gardens By The Bay! > kbox > kevin's > home!

GARDENS BY THE BAY IS REALLY FRIGGIN PRETTY OMG. My teacher gave all of us a treat and decided to bring us into the Flower Dome! That's probably the only highlight of the trip hahaha. BUT ITS REALLY PRETTY I SWEAR. I felt like a tourist in my own homeland~ HAHA.

Went to sing k for the first time after that! It was crazy fun. 5 hours of non stop singing for only 10bux! Good deal! :) Had net at Kevin's for the first time!

Yay ok time for bed i'm too tired. Hope i can fall asleep tonight. Need to get away from all the negative thoughts and flashbacks. It's not healthy. And why should i really care when he doesn't anymore hahaha. Learn your lesson belle, never trust anyone anymore.

xx

8th.

Hey there, happy 8th. Let me be the last person you quit on. The feeling's isn't really pleasant but I hope you find a girl that you really love & never give up on. Then that girl will be one lucky ass. Yes we've been through many ups and downs, but the most saddening part is that you didn't give me a chance. And that even though we've been through so much, you're gonna throw in the towel. Yes I may be stupid, stupid for waiting. But if I really want something, I will wait. But now, it's different. You know when they say if you love a person, you don't have to be with them. As long as you see them happy, you will be happy too. Now I finally understand how it feels. Don't think I'm not hurting when I wish you all the best, because it actually hurts me deep down because I've loved you more than anything. And if by letting go, you would be happier, I would do it. It's not gonna be easy & I don't think I'll trust anymore guys with my heart, but I will get over this someday. I just wish you all the happiness & I'll just leave. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I hope you find someone good enough for you. :)

"well you know it's gonna hurt. But deep down you still hope it comes back. Deep down you still don't mind. That love." Yeah I don't mind, and I'm hurting like crazy. But I guess that's what love does to you. Screws you up.

xx

Thoughts

So much thoughts flashed through my mind just now. There were so many things that I wanted to do, but I didn't dare to. There were so many times I wanted to tell you how lucky I was to have you by my side. But I didn't dare to. Now, I don't even have the chance to.

People do change. But I just changed so that I could get more attention and care from someone I really love. I just wanted to spend more time with the person I loved so much. I changed, because I didn't feel that i was good enough. I changed, so that I hope you could love me more. There were so many times I wish i was that frisbee. The one that motivates you, the one that you spend so much time with. The one you could risk getting injured for. The one that drives your passion. The one that's your priority. But no, I can never take that place. I know where I stand. And right now, I'm in no position. Not even the last. Ha. Ha.

You're really a joke belle, you caused all these shit and now you're the one regretting?!?!? Friggin stupid woman I swear.

-

On a side note, I finally finished my POM CA. Ok now back to my thoughts.

xx

Weekends.

Basically i went out with my bbg on Friday, LIKE FINALLY. Went down to town to have some retail therapy~ And we had sushi at this place in Somerset, it's like $1.50 for every plate. I had two plates of awesome-ness - SASHIMI!!

-

Had lunch with my dear Tasha in Town on Saturday. Basically we didn't had lunch. We just ate everything that came our way HAHA. Witnessed a fight, it was quite scary, but being typical Singaporeans, we stayed on to watch hahaha. Went for Edge earlier because i was on duty, & it was #blackout.

OMG IT WAS FANTASTIC. I PAINTED MY NAILS WITH UV NAIL POLISH AND IT GLOWED IN THE DARK.Apparently James wanted to draw an artistic drawing on my arm but it kinda failed so he signed his name on it. THE ENTIRE PLACE WAS LIKE A FRIGGIN CLUB WITH A REAL LIVE DJ OMG. Squid, & Cia & I were practically jumping like cray cray trying to snapshot everything HAHA. Had dinner with my 5/6 homiez @ Tamp after that!

-

Went to hang with my lepak buddies - RL & Sim this afternoon! His new dog is soooooo cute omg but it keeps barking at me because i guess he just saw me today. I miss Oscar so much :(

-

During lunch, my mum suddenly asked me about you. I didn't know what to say so i just said "like that lor." It was quite awkward because this was the first time she actually really cared about my relationship. But i guess i'm not sure where we are right now.

xx

Time check: 2.30am

I have no idea why I'm awake at such an ungodly hour. Can't seem to fall asleep so I'm here. I guess partially because I feel very worried. But I have no idea what I'm worried about. There's just a bad feeling. :/

It's nights like these that I miss having someone telling me bedtime stories. I can fall asleep to your voice - not that it's a bad thing but I just really love hearing your voice. The first & the last thing I want to hear everyday is your voice. But I guess that's impossible huh :/ I can fall asleep while lying on your shoulder because I know you're gonna be there for me, but i'm not sure anymore. I just feel better when I'm around you. That's something I can never deny or lie about. I miss you.

xx