Pixie Dust

Yesterday was fun. I love having times spent like that. Dinner, shopping, eating dessert. Simple joys that makes me happy. The happiest thing that happened to me yesterday was receiving those simple handmade gifts. I really love them alot. :')

“It’s just so strange. You used to love me, and now you’re a stranger who happens to know all of my secrets.”

To the next person he loves, please remember:
That he loves SALTED popcorn.
He CAN'T watch a movie WITHOUT popcorn and his fanta grape.
He gets injured and sick really easily.
He loves dim sum, and claims to be "dim sum king". HAHA SO CUTE
He loves his oreo cheesecake. Or anything that has cookies inside.
He falls asleep on the phone MOST OF THE TIME.
He claims he isn't tired, but once he hits the sofa or bed, he's more or less gone to dreamland.
He loves his sport, so don't ever try to take him away from it.
He doesn't like going to town.
He hates crowds.
He has motion sickness.
He injured his right foot so now there's a weird bone growing out of it or something.
He drinks SOMETIMES but when he does, don't try to control him.
He doesn't like it when you control him too much.
He isn't as overprotective compared to other guys because he doesn't want to upset you.
He doesn't like horror.
He gets cold really easily so always bring a jacket so y'all can share the jacket in the cinema, etc.
He's quite stubborn and quite rash at times.
He is actually 18, but he acts like a kid sometimes. That's why i love him :-)
He's really indecisive.
He loves his food, eats a lot but can never get fat. Even though all he wants is to become fat.
He always has a lot of nonsense and crap to talk about. But that's one of the reasons why i fell for him.
He loves playing his computer games and can go on it for all day if he could.
His favourite number is #27.
He loves Gongcha's Golden Ovaltine.
When he's upset, you can tell. Go talk to him, but don't push him. He just needs time to tell you what is really going on.
He may be all happy, smiley all day, but he actually thinks a lot during the night and plans way ahead.

Well there's so much more about him that i can't really list all of them. But i guess this is quite a good headstart hahah. These are many of the other reasons why i fell in love with him in the start. :-) he may have pissed me off many times but still.. :-)

Determined

This time i'm really giving up. I really don't know how i can please anyone.

Yes i may be stupid. "You spend too much money on him and get back nothing i love this." Thank you hater, you made me realise how much i suck and yes i do spend a lot of money on him. But i did it out of love. But if he doesn't appreciate it, there's nothing i can do but to say that i'm stupid. And i wouldn't be all boastful and say yeah, i spent $xx on him the other time, and $xx on him the other time, etc. Because in love, there's really no calculations. Yes i may have spend a lot of money on him, but i don't regret it one bit. Just by my small actions of paying the bill, buying his favourite things pleases me because when i see him smile or happy, there's always a warm fuzzy feeling inside of me. So no, i don't ever regret it. If there was a chance to go back in time, i would definitely say that i would choose to do it all over again.

Yes you may know the reason why we broke up, but i don't. You might feel as if you have an edge over me, but honestly, it's okay. It's been like close to 5 months? Yes i have stupidly waited 5 months for a reply on why we broke up, and honestly, he's still not close to telling me. Every single time i ask, he would always say "I no mood talk." Yeah it hurts, but what can i do. Quarrels after quarrels happen but yet i still don't know what the answer is. And yet during this 5 months that i have been waiting, i've treated him no differently. All i was hoping was to get back together and hopefully last long. A month ago, it was our 1st year. No doubt i still wish we were together. Just imagine all the things we could do. Just imagine if i actually knew what happen the other time, maybe i or we could fix this mess and spend our 1st year together. But i know, no matter how much i hope or wish, things wouldn't go back the same.

"If a person comes back the second time, it will never be the same."

Till then,
xx

Slowly;

Slowly i'm letting go.

Do i miss him? 
Do i still want to see him?
Do i still want to talk to him all day?
Do i still get jealous? 
Do i still love him? 
-
Yes. 

But i know for sure that all these memories will be kept. And i know for sure that if he isn't fighting for me, there's no point in me still being here. I feel like i'm taken for granted. A second choice. A person who comes back the second time will never be the same.

All these memories will be kept dearly to my heart. Till he decides to fight for me, bye.

x

“You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love.”

I just want to save up a lot of money and buy a one way ticket to wherever and spend my days there. Don't have a care in the world, strolling along the beaches, read a good book, go snorkeling, have fun. And not worry when i have return back to reality.

I don't understand why sometimes i like to dig out all the old memories and then get sad after that.

“So I drank one, it became four, and when I fell on the floor I drank more. Nothing has changed, I still love you, I still love you.”

I am not your
Five minute cigarette break

You can't put me out
After lighting me up

It's currently 3.30am in the morning & I've just got back home from supper with #bestfriendkow. 

Talked about many things along the way. Mostly relationships. And honestly, whatever we talked about today just made total sense. I mean, in a good way. 

-

I've realized that I'm constantly worrying that I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation with him the next day. Like what is going on between us; I have no idea. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't call, so I could fall asleep while we're texting to make sure we could have a conversation the next day. But I wish he would call too because I miss him already. 

I'm afraid. 

Had breakfast with the boy yesterday & then started my 1/3 days of torture in F1. I mean it's fun and all... But it's heck yes tiring. Here's 2/3 of being in F1! 

Oh as we got scolded for play in Toys R Us. LIKE SERIOUSLY?!?! 

Treasure it while it lasts. It's not gonna last for long; by morning, it will be gone. All we'll ever become is strangers again. Don't keep your hopes up high. It leads to greater disappointments. 

I could fall asleep to this all day. It's so cute. This has got to be one of the many reasons why. ☺️

I want you
all of you

I want your hugs and kisses
your compassion
your smile
your kindness
your desire

I want your tired eyes
your crooked smile
your competitiveness
your procrastination
your shyness
and every imperfection
that i fail to see

I want your cold hands
your lips
your messy hair
your melodious laugh

I want you
all of you
forever and always

A year ago;

A year ago, you made heart shape candles for me. A year later, we're nothing anymore.

I wish I could take

All of your sadness

I wouldn’t care

If I had to suffer

As long as you

Could breathe freely,

Again

"如果对方已经不爱你, 你的哀求对他来说都是噪音, 你的泪水都是酸雨, 你只是在白费力气."

I wish i had a dog so i could tell it everything. Everything that's on my mind. So that i will never ever have to feel lonely. I'll buy my kids a dog in future, so they won't ever feel lonely too. It's funny how people can feel so alone even when they're around so many people.

-
Can't believe i stayed up just waiting for a call/text that would never be made/sent. Yes your stupidity has just moved up another level.

“Let them miss you. Sometimes when you’re always available, they take you for granted because they think you’ll always stay.”

“She says yes, she’s a whore. She says maybe, she’s a tease. She says no, she’s a prude bitch. In what scenario do women win? That’s just it; patriarchy is designed so that we don’t.”

Met him today. I don't know what to feel LOL. Had lunch at Bobby's with Nigel & Zavier. Yup, it's never dull at a table when you're sitting with them. Went to collet Zavier's bass then headed for edge. Yup pretty exciting yet boring day.

-
N: You grew fatter, but it looks better.
-
Me: DID I SERIOUSLY GROW FATTER!?
Matt: Yeah..

WOWOWOWOWOW THANKS GUYS. HOW GENTLEMANLY.

Dear best friend,
He called me today, nothing much, just to ask for directions. I don't know what to feel. Or how i should feel. I think i'm lost. I never expected this. I hate being bothered by it. I hate having to pretend everything's fine. I hate myself. Please save me.

-
I wanna go on road trips, tour the world, be free, meet new people, stay up all night and watch the sunrise and sunsets on the mountains, take long walks along beaches, try different kinds of food, shop all day, be myself.

But who am i? How can i be myself when i don't even know myself.

I'm starting to lose them one by one. I can feel it. I now realise i have no one i can really talk to. (I mean who wants to listen to me rant all day right) All i can do is to keep to myself. I'll do a good job.

Went penny boarding yesterday with Pri & Mayer @ Yew Tee // Skate Garage to loosen ma wheels // JEM for dinner! :)

Yes and i met Vincent for the first time yesterday AND I WAS AWKWARD. I mean... he's quite cute. He used to be my ec idk omg it was so awkward. He called me melly. And said he expected me to be taller. WELL THANKS DUDE HAHA.

And... i lost my earpiece yesterday. It was 1 day old. I feel so sad. I hope i dropped it at the Skate Garage. Vincent's helping me look for it.

Remember when you used to nag at me because skating was dangerous haha ha. I miss that. I miss having someone nagging at me. I miss you.

Heartfelt conversations.

Him: “K i owe you then.”

Me: “For what?”

Him: “To make you happy”

Me: “But i’m alr happy”

Him: “To make you extra happy then :D”

Those were the days, those were the good old days. 

She's so beautiful,
yet so sad.

Always saying no one
will ever love her,
and yet when somebody tells her,
that they love her, she runs and hides.

Silly girl,
they love you,
you just don't love yourself.

Yes, it's a happy-sad kinda day again. I've been like this for the past few months. No matter how long time passes, i'm never gonna get back on my feet. I don't know if that day meant anything to you, but it sure meant the whole world to me. And it's like my whole world is crashing on me now and yet i can't do anything to save myself. No one's here to save me either.

I always imagined what would happen when i die. Would people come visit me during my last few days of 'being alive' or will i just die in my sleep. Life is so unpredictable. One moment, everything's fine, and the next, everything just crumbles on you.

Right when i've decided to open up to someone, that person leaves. It's always been the case, so why do i feel so heartbroken this time? Have i been too trusting? Maybe i should build my walls higher this time.

Freedom

I pray for love
We are all bathing in it
We just have to open our hearts, 
to open our minds 
And let it in

The biggest freedom is ours 
To let it in or lock it out

I pray for hope 
We are swimming in it
We just have to open our hearts
to open our souls
And let it in

The biggest freedom is ours
To let it in or lock it out

I pray for wisdom, 
We are soaking in it
We just have to open
To open our minds
And let it in

The biggest freedom is ours
To let it in or lock it out

I pray for spirit 
We are swimming in it
Let our selves drown in the huge love
the huge wisdom and spirit
that is around us all time

It's a happy-sad kinda day

Love;

What’s wrong with you, with us, 
what’s happening to us? 
Ah our love is a harsh cord 
that binds us wounding us 
and if we want 
to leave our wound, 
to separate, 
it makes a new knot for us and condemns us 
to drain our blood and burn together.

What’s wrong with you? I look at you 
and I find nothing in you but two eyes 
like all eyes, a mouth 
lost among a thousand mouths that I have kissed, more beautiful, 
a body just like those that have slipped 
beneath my body without leaving any memory.

And how empty you went through the world 
like a wheat-colored jar 
without air, without sound, without substance! 
I vainly sought in you 
depth for my arms 
that dig, without cease, beneath the earth: 
beneath your skin, beneath your eyes, 
nothing, 
beneath your double breast scarcely 
raised 
a current of crystalline order 
that does not know why it flows singing. 
Why, why, why, 
my love, why?

I'm forever yours, faithfully;

Today marks the end of my exams finally! // Here's to another boring holiday. Oops.

xx

Big old city;

Exams in less than a week // Time to get my motivation back // I need to get my shit together // God bless me. 

Happy Legal Day

Back with a more happy post hehe. So yes, i'm gonna talk about my 18th! :) Glad to have spent it with the closest people in my life. Thanks for the countless number of surprises that night. :') to think we met a cute guy along the way... Rex HAHAHAHA.

And this was the other day when we sent Dav & CK to TNT! So proud of them doing the work of God in that country! :)

-

So basically i did the 20 facts thing on my Instagram and only after that i've realised more facts about myself which i'm just going to share it here.
1. I'm a really awkward person (I try to be all cray cray to make myself high so i'll be less awkward LOL)
2. I hate making new friends. Because i'm awkward you see it links..
3. I'm secretly an introvert. And that's why i don't like making new friends.
4. I tend to overthink everything and that links to my next fact..
5. I'm insecure. Like really insecure.
6. I rather spend money on others than myself.
7. I find it awkward to go out with another person, unless it's my best friends. Therefore 3 is a good number.
8. I tend to feel left out very easily. LOL.
9. I tend to distance myself from guys once i realised i'm too close. Unless he's my best friend. Which i only have 1.
10. I think that i'm a slut if i move on very fast. LOL.

And that's about it. For now i think. Hehe.

xx

Emotional wreck;

As the title states... Yeah I've been an emotional wreck for the past week. I thought I got over it. No wait, I was doing fine. (Hopefully) maybe not. Just trying to put everything at the back of my head and pretend not to care. Yeah probably.

The only thing I don't understand is, how much I was willing to sacrifice. I gave it my all. I really did.   I gave everything I could. But it still wasn't enough to make you stay. I really did try giving everything. Really. Now my heart just hurts so bad. And I have to pretend like I'm okay.. I don't know how much longer I can stand this pain until I find a release.

-

On a side note, my birthday post will be up once I'm done with my emotional year. Or so. Or once I feel pretend-happy enough.

xx

Putting my defenses up.

Just a few more days to the 11th. I've been thinking a little too much tonight.

What would it be of us, if this never happened. 
What happened to celebrating many more valentine's days & monthsaries. 
Or even anniversaries. 
What would be of us if this never happened?

Impossible;

180 is finally over! Glad to say that we won 2nd :') Nonetheless, it was a really great experience with my dance team - Dayna, Reen, Millie, Chloe, Clement, Yijin, Yanhan, Kirk & Mengjun! :) It wouldn't have been possible without you guys! Especially my bases, thank you so much :') Really glad some of my friends came to support me too! Thank you :)

And what can i say, i love my Sundays with these awesome people. Glad to spend my Sundays with people i love <3 

10:36

It's finally home alone Friday! I really love this time where the house is really quiet and i have it all to myself hehe.

School has been a chore :( really have no motivation to go back to school. Here's a really brief summary of what i did hehe

So... i had dinner with my dear YC group - CARBON! Really love spending time with each and every one of them. And as usual, CARBON dinners are usually very quiet because we love our food too much to even talk. HAHA. But we went shopping and played catching after that!

Then i had nursery duty on Corporate Sunday Service @ EXPO. YES I FRIGGIN LOVE THIS BABY - AIDEN.

Didn't have school on Youth Day! Instead we had a course outing to Botanical Gardens and also a class outing to Seoul Garden where we didn't even have to pay a single cent. ;)

Basically i had like 3 days of dance practices in a week and i haven't been home before 11 for the past two-three weeks, am starting to miss home cooked food :( 

Played frisbee for Summer Slam and i'm proud to say we got second! Don't really have a nice picture of the team but here's mine. HAHA.

Aaaaaaaaaad last but not least, my dearest Dayna came to visit me in school yesterday (180713) hehe. Finally caught up with her and am glad that i have someone i can talk to. Talking to her is so much more easier because i don't have to hide my feelings. I don't have to pretend to be happy, or smile, or laugh. I can be myself around her because she really knows me well. So thanks babe <3

xx

22:00

I don't know what i'm feeling right now. So confused, so lost.

06:50

My thoughts;

I'm never good/worthy enough for you to realize that I'm always here.
Or to even look back.
Never.

xx

x

I'll never be able to understand how someone can actually hurt the people around them, and the people that they claim to love just because of their own problems.

Seeing all the cute couples together makes me sad. & envious. Oh well..

Leaving for Penang tomorrow! Mad excited. But this time it'll be different. Because i know that there wouldn't be a person worrying about my flight, staying up all night talking to me, missing me, wanting to see me, wanting to talk to me more because i'm overseas, and always worrying about my safety. I miss that. I miss you. I miss us.

xx

Remember.

Remember when you said you would buy many things for me, but it didn't happen. Hahah, a part of me actually wanted it even though i said "don't want la, too expensive." or "don't waste your money on me." I guess you must be feeling lucky now that you really didn't spend that money on me.

Actually, i can't help but feel upset when you didn't get me a valentine's day gift, or a 6 monthsary gift like i did. I actually spent so much on the gifts that i couldn't even eat for weeks. Or i sacrificed all my shopping money for that gift. WAH SO NOBLE SIA. HAHAHAHA. But ohwell, guess i learnt my lesson.

I know when they say that you shouldn't expect something in return, but seriously.... I really thought you would give me something. But guess not, and that was a right move because you didn't waste any money on me in the end. Good for you. *claps* boohoo for me but i guess that's my fate.

To always be giving and not recieving much. Thank you Jesus for giving me such a generous heart. HAHA. Ohwell, no point thinking about these anymore. It wouldn't change anything now that it's over.

xx

Week.

Sunday - Morning service > Sim's > Home!

Tuesday - Ran 2.4 without stopping for the first time all thanks to Nigel's encouragement. I ain't wanna be a fatty bom bom! Heh.

Wednesday - Dance practice! :) & surprised Janis at her house with a pint of B&Js, cookies and a birthday card! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR! <3

Thursday was the day i got addicted to fun run hehe it's actually not as lame as you think it was. I used to think it was lame, until i tried playing it i swear endless joy playing with your friends! AND THE DAY I GOT MY F1 TICKETS TO SEE MY BBY JUSTIN <3

Friday - Gardens By The Bay! > kbox > kevin's > home!

GARDENS BY THE BAY IS REALLY FRIGGIN PRETTY OMG. My teacher gave all of us a treat and decided to bring us into the Flower Dome! That's probably the only highlight of the trip hahaha. BUT ITS REALLY PRETTY I SWEAR. I felt like a tourist in my own homeland~ HAHA.

Went to sing k for the first time after that! It was crazy fun. 5 hours of non stop singing for only 10bux! Good deal! :) Had net at Kevin's for the first time!

Yay ok time for bed i'm too tired. Hope i can fall asleep tonight. Need to get away from all the negative thoughts and flashbacks. It's not healthy. And why should i really care when he doesn't anymore hahaha. Learn your lesson belle, never trust anyone anymore.

xx

8th.

Hey there, happy 8th. Let me be the last person you quit on. The feeling's isn't really pleasant but I hope you find a girl that you really love & never give up on. Then that girl will be one lucky ass. Yes we've been through many ups and downs, but the most saddening part is that you didn't give me a chance. And that even though we've been through so much, you're gonna throw in the towel. Yes I may be stupid, stupid for waiting. But if I really want something, I will wait. But now, it's different. You know when they say if you love a person, you don't have to be with them. As long as you see them happy, you will be happy too. Now I finally understand how it feels. Don't think I'm not hurting when I wish you all the best, because it actually hurts me deep down because I've loved you more than anything. And if by letting go, you would be happier, I would do it. It's not gonna be easy & I don't think I'll trust anymore guys with my heart, but I will get over this someday. I just wish you all the happiness & I'll just leave. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I hope you find someone good enough for you. :)

"well you know it's gonna hurt. But deep down you still hope it comes back. Deep down you still don't mind. That love." Yeah I don't mind, and I'm hurting like crazy. But I guess that's what love does to you. Screws you up.

xx

Thoughts

So much thoughts flashed through my mind just now. There were so many things that I wanted to do, but I didn't dare to. There were so many times I wanted to tell you how lucky I was to have you by my side. But I didn't dare to. Now, I don't even have the chance to.

People do change. But I just changed so that I could get more attention and care from someone I really love. I just wanted to spend more time with the person I loved so much. I changed, because I didn't feel that i was good enough. I changed, so that I hope you could love me more. There were so many times I wish i was that frisbee. The one that motivates you, the one that you spend so much time with. The one you could risk getting injured for. The one that drives your passion. The one that's your priority. But no, I can never take that place. I know where I stand. And right now, I'm in no position. Not even the last. Ha. Ha.

You're really a joke belle, you caused all these shit and now you're the one regretting?!?!? Friggin stupid woman I swear.

-

On a side note, I finally finished my POM CA. Ok now back to my thoughts.

xx

Weekends.

Basically i went out with my bbg on Friday, LIKE FINALLY. Went down to town to have some retail therapy~ And we had sushi at this place in Somerset, it's like $1.50 for every plate. I had two plates of awesome-ness - SASHIMI!!

-

Had lunch with my dear Tasha in Town on Saturday. Basically we didn't had lunch. We just ate everything that came our way HAHA. Witnessed a fight, it was quite scary, but being typical Singaporeans, we stayed on to watch hahaha. Went for Edge earlier because i was on duty, & it was #blackout.

OMG IT WAS FANTASTIC. I PAINTED MY NAILS WITH UV NAIL POLISH AND IT GLOWED IN THE DARK.Apparently James wanted to draw an artistic drawing on my arm but it kinda failed so he signed his name on it. THE ENTIRE PLACE WAS LIKE A FRIGGIN CLUB WITH A REAL LIVE DJ OMG. Squid, & Cia & I were practically jumping like cray cray trying to snapshot everything HAHA. Had dinner with my 5/6 homiez @ Tamp after that!

-

Went to hang with my lepak buddies - RL & Sim this afternoon! His new dog is soooooo cute omg but it keeps barking at me because i guess he just saw me today. I miss Oscar so much :(

-

During lunch, my mum suddenly asked me about you. I didn't know what to say so i just said "like that lor." It was quite awkward because this was the first time she actually really cared about my relationship. But i guess i'm not sure where we are right now.

xx

Time check: 2.30am

I have no idea why I'm awake at such an ungodly hour. Can't seem to fall asleep so I'm here. I guess partially because I feel very worried. But I have no idea what I'm worried about. There's just a bad feeling. :/

It's nights like these that I miss having someone telling me bedtime stories. I can fall asleep to your voice - not that it's a bad thing but I just really love hearing your voice. The first & the last thing I want to hear everyday is your voice. But I guess that's impossible huh :/ I can fall asleep while lying on your shoulder because I know you're gonna be there for me, but i'm not sure anymore. I just feel better when I'm around you. That's something I can never deny or lie about. I miss you.

xx

Day 5.

Dear boy,

It's 5 days ever since i mentioned it. How are you? Hope things have been fine. Read your tweets, remember to take care. Always see a doctor when you're not feeling well. Hurts me to see you suffering. Well days without you are hard to live by but i guess i will slowly get used to it. Often i regret the decision i made, but i guess that's all you ever needed. Its not about what i want, it's about what you need. I never thought that by sacrificing all you ever had for someone really meant changing myself to you. I guess love is really blind.. It makes you do things you never thought you would. Like sacrificing my night to sleep to bake your favourite oreo cheesecake. Or sacrificing all my angpao money used for my own shopping for our 6 monthsary present. It's been hard, knowing that i now have no one to depend on, no one to talk to, no one to comfort me in my saddest point of life.I hope you're doing fine, that's all i ever wish for. That you'll be happy, safe and enjoying what's to come. Take care and know that i'll always be here for you. I love you.

xx

Doctor's.

The trip to the doctor's just sucked. I was having a really terrible headache due to my fever. And i went in for 5mins, all he said was "Oh fever ah. I just give you more medicine. Your throat looks better what." "Oh but it's pain when i swallow food" "Oh aiya never mind la, its probable just ulcer" OK WHAT THE JUST ULCER!?!?!?

IF THE MEDICINE IS NOT WORKING, GIVE A STRONGER DOSAGE YOU DIMWIT. DO I HAVE TO TEACH YOU OMG UGH I'M JUST SO ANNOYED. THE WORSE PART WAS "Oh, lethargic ah? Never mind, just go to school" WOW THANKS DOCTOR.

-

And it definitely sucks to think that if i fell sick or what not, i would get more care and attention from the one i love. But guess not. I feel so stupid right now. Probably the stupidest girl ever - that's what everyone calls me.

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

It's my fault everything's become like this.

I've got to accept what i've done.

I can't possibly be wanting you back.

I can't. Even though i want to.

I started it. I need to face it. 

Myself.

xx

Tear filled.

"I saw him today. With ___ and a very pretty girl."

A VERY PRETTY GIRL. 

:'( 

-

Went to meet Tasha and Nigel for a very late lunch. Wanted to eat at the cafe in Clementi, but because Nigel was late, we changed to town.

Got our very first airbrush tattoo. But really cheat my money. Say can last for a week, now not even first day alr fade. :( 

Went to have lunch @ Astons, then walked around. Before they headed for edge and i went to Bayfront. 

Went for Aerosmith's concert. Nothing really fantastic. Just that the atmosphere felt like a really big outdoor club. And it was hot. And very sweaty. 

Couldn't concentrate the whole time. I just really...... ugh. I really hate myself.

-

How can someone who once loved you moved on faster than you thought.... I really hate myself. And i just.... really miss you. I don't know why but whenever i think of you, tears will flow automatically. I just..... i really don't know what's becoming of me. 

Lost.

What happens when someone you loved so much leaves you.
What happens when someone you cared the most pushed you away.
What happens when someone you loved the most never wanted to meet/talk to you again.
What happens when someone you loved the most gave you the most broken promises.
What happens when someone you thought cared for you left you alone in difficult times.
What happens when someone who gave you direction in life left you.
What happens when someone who once brought you laughter and smiles suddenly changed 360.
What happens when someone stopped caring.

I guess this is what happens. It leaves you heart broken. Cuts deep into your heart. You feel like you're about to die but no you're not going to. It leaves you to cry alone at night, where your pillow suddenly becomes your best friend. It leaves you with this emptiness in your heart because you know you're never gonna find someone like them. It just leaves you with an open wound and someone just pours salt on it.

I lost it. I lost myself. I lost my motivation. I lost everything, and most importantly, I lost someone I once loved so dearly.

x.

:'(

Currently coughing like crazy I don't even know how is this possible. Have been falling sick a lot this year. What has happened to my immune system.. :/

To be honest, all along I have been envious of other couples who take care of one another when they're sick. Like accompanying them to the doctor's, surprising the other party at their house with food, accompanying them when they're bored, etc. Yet now I have no one to look after me. Not even my parents. They haven't even noticed I've been coughing for these few days. But I guess I will have to learn to take care of myself and rely on myself more. What's the point of relying on someone else when one day good things are gonna end & they'll be gone. Forever.

xx

Where you are, is where i wanna be.

Him: Why you lol one?

Me: Because its funny. Ignore me yet still say care for me lol joke sia.

Him: Um... I know you lol cause you sad, so don't need bluff me. 

Sometimes I really thank God for my best friend. <3 

And Natasha. This woman spammed me the entire night last night

with funny videos and Jack & Finn aaaaah <3 

So blessed to have them around.

Cherish

Don't wait till it's all gone before you snap out of it and realize it's too late to salvage anything. Yes, people will fight for you, but they won't fight forever if you keep shutting them out. Sometimes you just have to learn to put down your pride and ego for someone you love more than yourself. 

Cherish.

Imagine Dragons

Suddenly in love with Imagine Dragons. <3

GOOD DAY TODAY BECAUSE IM GOING FOR AEROSMITH'S CONCERT AND I HAVE PERCY PIGS YAY ME

Here's my favourite song from Imagine Dragons. (DON'T JUDGE BY THE TITLE OK ITS DAMN NICE)

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood's run stale

I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

When the curtain's call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl
So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't want to let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't want to hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I want to save their light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide

Hugs.

hug

 

verb (used with object)

1.

to clasp tightly in the arms, especially with affection; embrace.

2.

to cling firmly or fondly to; cherish: to hug an opinion.

3.

to keep close to, as in sailing, walking, or in moving along oralongside of: to hug the shore; to hug the road.

verb (used without object)

4.

to cling together; lie close.

noun

5.

a tight clasp with the arms; embrace.

Hugs are a pretty powerful expressive tool. You hug someone when you're happy, when you love them, when you're sad, when you greet one another. Hugs show many emotions.

When i'm sad, i'll just burst into tears. When i'm angry, i'll be pissed and try to push them aside, but instead they will embrace you tighter. When i'm happy, well that'll be mutual. When girls greet one another, we hug as well.

Honestly, i love hugs. Be it when i'm happy/sad/angry/disappointed. I just love the feeling of knowing someone understands you and wishes you the best. But of course, i wouldn't like goodbye hugs. Like the one i gave Celeste last year. I miss her so much now. :( I find it annoying when i'm sad and someone hugs me, i'll just cry a river. But i guess hugs are more affirmative.

In conclusion, i really love hugs. :) especially from those who hugged me when i was sad and was being there for me. :)

--

Went cafe hopping with the girls earlier in the afternoon again. :) Really love cafe hopping! Get to eat so much good food. Went for edge then had dinner at the airport with Natasha, Sequina & Grace. Yeah, it was a girl's night out.

I really love the girls so much because even though i said nothing, they could sense that there was something wrong with me. Thanks for the talks. :) I guess Nigel tried to make my night better as well. I really thank God for him. :) Aww he's so sweet, whoever that marries him is gonna be one hell of a lucky girl. Basically, Zavier and Matthew just laughed at me the entire night. Yes, they're such meanasses but i still love them. <3

xx

On a side note,

I really miss you.

xx